Insisting yourself to love a thing that you hate most is like pushing your own body at the edge of the cliff. You know that with just one blow of the wind, you will fall, with just one wrong step, you will die. But just in case time will come that I saw myself standing at the edge of the cliff, siguro tatalon na lang ako. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko namang lumipad.
Lately I’ve been dealing with difficulties in my surroundings and in myself. It was so hard for me to face every day when I know that worst things can happen anytime without prior notice. I doubt everything, my skills, my capability to make a good decision and even myself. This is the darkest stage of my life, as a student, as a News Editor, as a son of my parents and as I am.
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Paano ‘pag bumagsak ka? Anong gagawin mo?
Okay, it’s already given; I am not mathematically-gifted. Logic and math got the lowest place in my last internet-based psychological exam that measures the wisdom of a person in all aspects. The irony here is I am a third year Engineering student and two years from now, I will going to graduate with degree. And all the people asked me, “Paano ka nakarating ng third year kung hindi ka matalino sa math? After the question, I paused for a while then I laugh. “Bakit? Dapat ba matalino ka sa math bago ka makarating ng third year? Hindi naman kaya gano’n ‘yon!”
My two years engineering escapade is enough for me to handle my remaining years before finishing this course. I can’t count how many times I did fail before passing every level of this adventure. Life is really the biggest game of all time. Either you won or you failed, don’t get tired to push the retry button because God created failure for us not to stop striving not until we won the jackpot price.
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Paano ‘pag nalaman na nila? Anong gagawin mo?
The mechanical thinking of all human beings makes my world complicated. Adding the rapid increase in population worsen the scenario at its best. Ang sikip sikip na ng mundo, may espasyo pa ba ‘ko? I don’t want to insist myself to a world who never know anything but to judge everyone even though they know nothing. But I have no choice, iisa lang ang mundo. Pero kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon na lumipat sa ibang may buhay na planeta (alam kong mayro’n) ay magpiprisinta na akong mauna, magbabakasakali ako na ang mga tao do’n ay hindi mapanghusga.
Being a judgmental is an inborn disease, and all of us were infected and totally devastated by this common trait. If you think you are the most beautiful, intelligent and gifted god-creation on earth, then you are free to give destructive criticisms to anyone. But because all of us are not born perfect, then better keep your mouth shut.
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Ano nang gagawin ko?
I do not know, seriously. This is the turning point of my life and I’m still not familiar how to live with it. I am just focusing my mind into one idea that strengthens me every time I’m about to fall down. Let me share this with you.
“Hindi mo kailangang hanapin ang sarili mo sa ibang tao, dahil hindi mo ‘yon makikita kahit kanino, sa ‘yo lang, sa loob mo. Minsan hindi naman masamang makipag-bonding sa sarili, dapat nga ‘yon para may oras kayo na kilalanin ang isa’t-isa, quality time kumbaga. At kapag nangyari ‘yon, unti-unti mo nang makikilala kung sino ka, kung ano ang saysay ng buhay mo, at kung bakit ka sumulpot sa mundo.”
If you did not like the idea, its okay with me, anyway I just invented it. Right now I am busy adapting the new environment within me and hoping that someday I and the new me will be the best companion ever.